Weep With Those Who Weep: Caring for the Grieving Before the Holidays

The Empty Chair

For most of us, the coming weeks bring familiar markers: Thanksgiving dinner, Advent candles, Christmas music, family photos. For someone who is grieving, those same markers can feel like a series of reminders that someone is missing.

The first Thanksgiving without a parent. The first Christmas after a miscarriage. The first holiday season after a divorce, a lost job, or a diagnosis that changed everything. Grief doesn't take a break for the calendar. Often, the calendar makes it heavier.

The church has an opportunity in these weeks to be what it was designed to be: a family that doesn't leave anyone to carry their sorrow alone.

What Scripture Shows Us About Grief

The Bible never asks believers to pretend loss doesn't hurt.

When Jesus stood outside the tomb of His friend Lazarus, knowing He was about to raise him from the dead, John records two simple words: "Jesus wept" (John 11:35, WEB). He didn't rush past the sorrow. He entered it.

The Psalms are full of honest lament. And the promise they offer is not that pain will disappear, but that God draws close in it: "Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit" (Psalm 34:18, WEB).

Paul writes that believers grieve differently, not that they don't grieve at all: "we don't want you to be ignorant, brothers, concerning those who have fallen asleep, so that you don't grieve like the rest, who have no hope" (1 Thessalonians 4:13, WEB). Christian grief is real grief, held inside a real hope.

And the call to the church is clear: "Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15, WEB).

How to Show Up

1. Presence Over Perfect Words

Many people avoid those who are grieving because they're afraid of saying the wrong thing. So they say nothing at all.

When Job lost nearly everything, his friends did something remarkable at first: "they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great" (Job 2:13, WEB). Their silence was the most helpful thing they did. It was only when they started explaining his suffering that things went wrong.

You don't need the perfect words. "I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you" is enough. Showing up matters more than what you say.

2. Avoid the Clichés

Well-meaning phrases can land painfully:

• "Everything happens for a reason."
• "At least they're in a better place."
• "God needed another angel."
• "I know exactly how you feel."

Even when there's truth nearby, these can feel like attempts to close the conversation. Try instead:

• "I don't know what to say, but I'm here."
• "I've been praying for you."
• "I'd love to hear about them if you ever want to talk."

3. Say Their Name

People who have lost someone often fear that their loved one will be forgotten. Saying the person's name, or sharing a memory, can be a profound gift. It tells the grieving that their loss matters and that the life they're mourning mattered too.

4. Offer Specific Help

"Let me know if you need anything" is kind, but it puts the burden on the person who is already overwhelmed. Specific offers are easier to accept:

• "Can I drop off dinner on Tuesday?"
• "I'm going to the store tomorrow. What can I pick up for you?"
• "Would you like company at the service on Sunday?"
• "Can I take your kids for an afternoon this weekend?"

5. Remember the Hard Dates

Grief often spikes around anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays. Put a reminder in your calendar. A short message on a difficult day — "I know today is hard. I'm praying for you" — can mean more than anything said at the funeral.

6. Stay for the Long Haul

Support tends to pour in during the first week or two and then fade. But grief keeps going long after the casseroles stop. The months that follow are often when people feel most alone. Keep checking in.

A Word to Church Leaders

The weeks before Thanksgiving are a good time to prepare your church to care well:

• Name it from the front. A brief acknowledgment that the holidays are hard for some can help grieving members feel seen.
• Offer a space for lament. Some churches hold a quiet evening service during Advent for those carrying loss, often called a "Blue Christmas" or "Longest Night" service. Even a simple time of prayer and Scripture can help.
• Equip your small group leaders. Make sure they know who in their group is grieving and encourage them to plan specific care.
• Coordinate practical support. A simple meal or visit schedule can make sure no one falls through the cracks.

Comfort That Comes Full Circle

Paul describes God as "the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction" (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, WEB).

Many of the people best equipped to walk with the grieving are those who have grieved themselves. As your church cares for the hurting this season, you may be shaping the comforters of seasons yet to come.

This year, as the holidays approach, look for the empty chairs. Then go sit beside the people who are looking at them.

Inspyrd is being built so a church family can keep caring for one another long after Sunday — sharing needs, coordinating help, and praying together. Join our waitlist to follow along.